A letter to Pat Robertson from his best friend Satan

Everyone but the die-hard bible thumpers knows just how stupid Pat Robertson is... but maybe even this video will jar some of them out of their funk and remove their heads from their arses. Even Pat's best friend, Satan himself, wrote him a letter over it.  It was delivered by Lily Coyle of Minneapolis and appeared in the Star Tribune. Satan wrote:

"My Dear Friend Pat,

I know that you know-- that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out.  And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action.  But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating.  I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.  Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle.  Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing.  And that was before the earthquake.

Haven’t you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?  If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks and CEOs, skyscrapers, SUVs, big government, exclusive night clubs, Botox, and Tiger Woods — that kind of thing.  It would look more like Dubai, or all these new mega-cities popping up in India (hint hint). Besides, an 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style.  Nothing against it — I’m just saying:  Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad.  And not the good kind of bad.  Keep blaming God.  That’s working.  But leave me out of it, please.  Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract - remember who got you where you are today!

All my Best,

Satan"

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